“Kloudiia

I’m an 18 year old girl. Young, pretty, attractive. My boyfriend is 28. Age doesn’t matter to us. He is a director of the company that I’m working at. We are together almost 1 1/2years. I felt very insecure. We never leak out our relationship to anyone.

Few months ago, he met a girl from a night club and he told me he treats her as a close friend. Yes they did went to bed. Right now, he has not been to her house for 4 months. What’s bothering me most is does he love me? He still has his ex girlfriend’s photo on his working desk. I felt so stupid. Any advice? I dont wanna end up this relationship with him.” - S

Dear S

I’m sorry to tell you this, but age does matter! Especially in your case. Why so? Because you are both at an age where volatility is very much in the house.

What I mean is, you both are very young, and you are bound to expect many changes to come into your lives. Nothing is really stable yet, including emotions and state of minds.

In addition, the level of maturity of both parties are hardly on par.

Let me ask you. What is of top-most priority to you in your life right now. What about his? Have you both listed them down and compare against each other?

And one more thing. You are doubting if he loves you. Will you sleep with another guy when you are seeing someone exclusively, and both are still in the relationship? How do you see him doing this to you? Is this sort of behaviour acceptable to you?

I have a feeling that you don’t mind him being unfaithful to you. Why is this so? Have you been “conditioned” since young that men have a right to cheat on their partners? Thus when your boyfriend slept with that woman, you are still telling yourself that “It’s alright, and he haven’t been seeing her for 4 months”.

Let me tell you - it’s not alright. He has committed an act that showed he cannot be trusted, as I don’t detect a hinge of regret in him for doing that, neither any traces that he is asking for your forgiveness.

In short, he isn’t with you although he is with you. The signs are everywhere - not leaking the relationship to anyone, cheating on you, having his ex’s photo on his desk etc. Why are you still choosing to be blind to them?

So if you really think otherwise, I suspect you need to do some emotional healing before you are really ready for a relationship.

Seek a coach to help you on this S.

Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in? Why don’t you want to leave him? I’m sure there are many underlying factors that can explain this. A coach will be able to help you wriggle through this entanglement and find a way out.

All the best to you S. I’d really ask you to drop this man, work on yourself and I firmly believe you’ll find true happiness and a man who deserves to love you and be loved by you. Free yourself first before you can be happy.

Love, Kloudiia

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