In this 2nd episode of this Love Belief series, I would like to challenge this belief. Let’s take a look.

First, the limiting belief:

“No one will accept a divorcee, with kid“

Let’s first look at why does this belief comes about. What are the harsh facts in life that seem to support this and why is this hampering you from getting what your real intention is - to love and be loved again.

In the US or western countries, this belief will not be very much valid as in Asian countries, one of which is Singapore. You see our western counterparts remarrying and having children again with their new spouses without any pressure of subjecting to any society glare. However, this does not mean that they have having a very easy time divorcing their partner and jumping into a new marriage to set up a new family. They do go through their own set of challenges, and some of them seek therapy counselling to help them find back theirselves before they are ready for another spring.

So am I suggesting that in Singapore, once you divorce and want to date again in the hope of finding a new partner would make you look like the outcast in our society? Absolutely not! That is the whole point! We are living in the modern era now, and it is even advicable and encouraged for a divorcee to search for their happiness again. Just because they failed once in their marriage does not give them the red card to be exiled from the game forever. They deserve to be loved and to love as much as any other single walking on this earth.

In reality, is it easy to find that someone who do not bother whether or not you have been married before, with or without children? No, it is not that easy, but there are successful stories. Because they would want to know what is the reason for your unsuccessful relationship. There are thousand and one reasons, but what matters the most is what have you learnt out of those lessons?

People may worry about entering a relationship with you if you have unresolved issues with your ex-spouse, even if they show interest to consider dating you. So the question now is, how ready are you to accept a new love? Have you settled all the outstanding matters? Have you cleared all the, if any, emotional burden in you due to the event?

You see, many times the bottle neck may just be right inside you, and if you do not get rid of these obstacles, you are in fact killing your own chances of loving someone again. Accepting your status and loving yourself will be the two biggest gifts you can give yourself.

One more reason why is this belief sabotaging your chances of finding the one is this. Let’s say you are going on a date with this person. When you hold on to this conviction, you are going into the setting with a pre-judgement that this date will not work out. You are not starting on neutral ground. He/she will leave or discount me immediately once he/she know the truth about my marital status. And when you harbour such negative thoughts, they are in fact a time bomb. They will manipulate your feelings and thoughts, which in turn affect your action and words towards the person you are dating with. How then would you expect someone to accept you when you have already mentally rejected yourself?

What if your belief goes like this:

“I still believe in love, and he/she is somewhere out there. I will meet this someone.”

Just a simple switch in what you believe to be true, whether or not actual events have surfaced to prove it’s truthfulness (remember the definition of belief in Love Belief Series #1?), things would already start to be different for you.

Imagine you go back to the setting where you are on a date. Because you are still a believer in love, and because you know you will meet this special someone somehow somewhere, you will be enjoying your date’s company much more than you spent all the time wondering and worrying unduly in your head whether or not he/she will accept you, whether or not he/she will like you despite what you have been through. Instead, you will be sharing yourself and your stories with him/her because you have already accepted that fact and you knew that you have become a better person after that episode in your life.

And because of this belief, it actually empowers and motivates you to take a deep hard look at yourself to see where the problem lies, and this will set you off to take concrete action to prepare you for this next phase of your life.

And again, we all have this energy flowing in us and out of us. This energy you exudes, which is a direct result of your belief, will attract the exact kind of person who matches your belief. So if you believe no one will accept you and your kid, then you will find yourself meeting these people and it will reinforce your negative belief. This spirals further on until you resign yourself to the fate that you will be alone for the rest of your life. I’m sorry for you if you choose to take this path, really.

On the contrary, if you believe it’s just a matter of time that you find this person and you have strong faith in that happening, then this energy will resonate in you and it acts as a magnet to reach out and pull such person into your life. This is what we call the Law of Attraction.

If you genuinely want to lead the life you want, to attain happiness, to love and be loved, then you have to start loving yourself. The first step is to have loving thoughts about who you are and what you can give to the person you love. Choosing to have the right Love Belief, and have faith that things will turn out right for you, someway somehow somewhere.

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