How to know if the relationship is really over? When is the time to give up, let go and move on? 

If you are lucky, there are obvious signs telling you that it’s pointless to continue mopping over a relationship gone stale. If you aren’t as lucky, then you are probably stuck in a half-hearted, neither here nor there situation where it’s getting harder to still label it as a relationship.

When someone asks this question, I tend to believe that he/she actually knows the answer. The only thing that is stopping them from admitting that is the answer is probably courage. The courage to face the truth and accept that as the truth.

Facts can be harsh. But how is it going to change the situation by refusing to admit it? Clinging on to false hopes will only do just that - the hopes will still not materialise until the day when you decide to let them go.

To make it as easy and apparent as it can be, I am listing down some bullet points that are good indicators that a relationship is heading anywhere except towards the altar. Hope this may clarify the confusion as much as possible.

10 Signs That Say Your Relationship Is Over

1. One party is withdrawing

You can feel it. He no longer replies your text message as fast as he used to. Missed calls aren’t reverted until you call him and ask, to which you get a cold reply like ”Oh, I didn’t notice” or “Oh ya, I forgot. I was in the middle of something important at that time.”

His behaviour is deviating from the usual too much, and it usually is towards the negative rather than positive.

2. He wants out, yet …

He can’t make up his mind. As a result you can’t too. Ask yourself if it is true love, will anyone subject you to such torture in having to second guess his feelings towards you? So long as he is not fully committed to you and the relationship, meaning he is constantly harbouring thoughts of breaking up, then you should fulfill his wish.

Calling the shots to sever the ties is telling him that you deserve someone much better. At least someone whose heart has only place for one person. That person is you.

3. The relationship is pulling you down

Whether or not you still love him, if you continue to be stuck in an unhealthy relationship, it’s time you do something for yourself. You may have mistaken something else for love. It could be a gross misunderstanding of what love is, or you simply lack the courage to walk out.

Remember this - if you don’t love yourself, then nobody will.

4. Presence of another he/she

When a third party is involved, you need to ask yourself this question “Is he/she the one I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

Revisit your relationship and find out the reason why the intrusion of a third party is made possible. If the flaws weren’t too big and fatal, you can consider giving it another shot through better communication and understanding. If your partner is plainly on the look out for better alternatives or like the excitement of having more choices, then you should stamp your feet down and move on.

5. When he/she stops caring

He doesn’t care if you are sick. She don’t bother picking up your clothes after you. You just hope the other person will leave you alone as you are already beginning to isolate him/her from your life.

6. The future is not “us”

Babies and a goal to climb the highest mountain in the world are mutually exclusive. They do not go hand in hand. If she is beginning to tell you about her future plans with only “I” “I” “I” and not “we” or “us”, take it as a strong hint that you are not in her plan. He tells you he is taking up a job offer to be seconded to Egypt for the next 5 years. Period. Then it hit you that he is not seeking your agreement or asking for your opinion. You are merely being informed.

That’s a retrenchment letter given in words baby.

7.  Silence is no longer golden

Conversation has gone on a permanent holiday. Besides the usual “Have you taken your dinner?” and “Sleeping soon?” there is basically nothing left to talk about. You just isn’t in a mood to chat. No day is a good day. You feel relieved when he/she says “If there’s nothing else let’s hang up. Good night” over the phone. Finally it’s over. You just clocked 1 minute 1 second airtime.

Funny thing is, your conversation buckets are always full when it is not your partner at the other line. Hmm …

8. You are secretly happy when his/her ex calls

Where has all the jealousy gone to? The initial desire to keep him/her is no longer there. You begin to wonder why? Where did all the competition go?

9. Missing in action

Your partner plays the missing game for the nth time. This time it seems so real because no matter how hard you try to hunt him/her down, he/she is too elusive to be caught in your radar.

In plain terms, you no longer are kept informed on his whereabouts. You got wind of her schedule to fly to Hong Kong over the weekend through her buddy by accident. In short, your partner has “forgotten” to update you on his/her itinerary. It’s either he’s too busy or you’re too unimportant.

10. When he/she says “It’s over”

The verdict is out. It’s over. Accept it, and move on. I know this is painful, yet this could just be the best thing you can do for yourself. Do not doubt the meaning of those words or attempt to do a autopsy. When he/she says it’s over, take it as it’s over.

It is easy to go in. It is not that easy to get out. It is even harder to let go and move on. But rather than sticking your neck in a relationship that you know deep down isn’t going to turn out fruitful, why not nip it in the bud? If you don’t, then you are stopping yourself from having another chance. This could well be the spring you are looking for.

Winter’s over. Pack your gloves and boots away. Go out and shop for some sunnies now.

P.S. If you are confused and trapped in a “relationship” or have just walked out from one and need some personal advice, feel free to contact me to arrange for a personal coaching session. All the best.

Technorati Tags: Love, Relationship, Letting go, Moving on, Brokenhearted