… it could be also a hug!

What am I talking about? It’s our love languages!

Finally, after hearing all the accolades on this book, I bought it from MPH Bookstore and finished reading it. At last!

I’m referring to this wonderful book by Dr Gary Chapman - “The Five Love Languages“.

This is a very readable book. Why do I say that? Because of the way it is written, with lots of real life couple stories that Dr Chapman shared through his experience of working with them to resolve their marital issues.

Although “The Five Love Languages” was written primarily for married couples, I find it to be very useful and applicable too for dating couples.

Everyone should know his/her partner’s love language, so that you can love him/her in a way that he/she wants to be loved!

To me, its akin to creating value for yourself. When you are at work, you will want to perform according to your boss’s expectations of you. So that you can gain the recognition and also the reward you deserve for all the efforts and time you’ve invested in your career.

You do that by giving your boss what he/she wants, not what you think he will like to have. Or better still, you certainly don’t hand up a piece of work that you like but not what your boss wants because you know very well you’re heading for a crash and burn if you do that.

Similarly at home, we need to create value for ourselves too in the eyes of our partners. To do that, we give. We give because we love.

But to our partners, they may not see that as an act of love or giving. Instead, they may deem it as an act of control, or something which only makes us feel good but not them. Why? Because we aren’t giving them what they want in order to feel loved. 

I feel loved when my boyfriend spends time chatting with me. Sometimes just hearing his voice alone can calm me down when I’m feeling stressed. But that may not be his love language, as what Dr Chapman clearly describes in his book.

So when I insist on talking to him to help him de-stress, he may find me a big nag and a complete turn off! Instead of feeling warm and fuzzy like me, he’s likely to find me a nuisance instead!

In order to create value for yourself, or rather to make your partner feel loved, we need to love him in a way that he wants to be loved. If hugging speaks more than just a bodily contact and a physical touch, then hug more! Give him all sorts of hugs, bear hugs, intimate hugs, cosy hugs or even some self-created silly hugs that could melt you guys into a pool of laughter and joy!

If spending time with her even for just 5-10 minutes a day makes her feel lovey-dovey and gah-gah over you, then why stinge over that few minutes? Give her the full attention and she’ll be yours to keep forever.

Loving someone means to give them your affection, care, concern, tenderness etc, in their own ways, not yours.

Perhaps this explains why many couples complain about not feeling loved as their partners jump to their own defences as they felt they have done their share! Indeed they had. But not before they find out if bringing out the trash means as much to her as having sex means to him.

Stay in love my friends. And stay in tune with how to love and show your love too!

Go to the nearest bookstore and grab this book. I promise this will be a very enjoyable read. If you’re lazy (like me) you can click on the title or the image of the book in this post and you’ll get the book delivered to your doorstep by purchasing online. It’s very simple, just click, pay, wait and read!

If you’re single, who says you can’t buy this book, read it and find out what’s your own love language even before your Mr/Miss Right appears? Prevention is better than cure - that’s what the doctors always say. In this case, I think they’re absolutely right!

Cheers!

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