LOVE, Kloudiia

I know there are too many personal development experts and gurus who have written on overcoming fear and to make that stretch.

This post has nothing to do with what you need to do in the face of fear and uncertainty. This is about my personal experience, or rather, my personal fear that I am undergoing now.

I have debated internally for a pretty long while whether or not to post this, as it certainly puts a vulnerable side of me out there. But I guess, like Rachit’s post on his tough road as an entrepreneur, if baring some privacy does a wee bit to lift someone up if he/she happens to be in the same rut as me, why not?

But, please do not read this post thinking I’m dead or I’m being defeated by fear. Far from it in fact. I am going to share with you this journey that I’ve walked from being fearful to still being fearful yet fruitful. That’s the difference.

Don’t ask me why I am feeling such a huge fear inside me, for I have no answer. It’s the kind of fear which gives me all the jitters and makes my heart thump so fast that I’m beginning to suspect if it could be an impending heart attack.

Yes no doubt I have survived and celebrated my first year of blogging, no doubt I have no doubts about what I’m going to do as my purpose in life and in pursuit of my passion, I still can’t control this fearful feeling that’s knawing at me. If I really am going to put a reason to it, I guess it’s the route I will be taking this year.

All the new challenges I’m about to face, new faces I’m about to meet, new projects I’m about to start and new territories I’m about to venture and explore. All these do give me the adrenaline rush, making me eager, enthusiastic and thrilled. At the same time, these are giving me lots of fear too!

I fear that the challenges may be too much for me. I fear I will not succeed. I fear I will run into problems I can’t solve. I fear I will still be economically and financially compromised. I fear I can’t provide for my family.

I fear fear!

Isn’t that what it is all about? After sitting down and rationalising all these fears that have been eating into me since I came back from holiday, what is there to fear except fearing fear itself?

But if fear is what we are fearing, then what does it take to remove this fear? We can’t remove fear, can we? For it exists for it’s reasons. It is there because I am doing something that I’ve never done before. I’m negotiating new domains and testing new grounds. I’m making more than just one stretch. I’m putting myself on the line!

I knew that in order to overcome fear, the one and only way is to face it. Fear tells me I have a chance to up myself to another level. It shows me the way to build more confidence and to have a deeper faith in Him and myself. Yes, all these are what I have been putting into my head to psyche myself up. Are they working? Yes to a certain extent it did.

I knew for a fact that if I don’t take action and just do what needs to be done, I’ll be stuck in where I am forever. I may not get another opportunity to feel such fear again, for if I were to remain stagnant, what fear will I get? So instead of wallowing in self-pity and fear, which I know is not going to bring me anywhere, I’ve decided to take a leap of faith and plunge into the darkness.

I’ve decided to go head on with fear, to face it and to use that force to spur me on. I realised that to do that requires lots of courage. And if I can muster such courage and strength, where does fear stands?

I know for certain there will be light at the end of the tunnel, where birds are singing in the sky and rainbows are shining bright.

This is not all. By self-talking I managed to resolve myself to challenge those challenges despite my swinging emotions. What really got me out of the fearful state is this:

I had decided to be a sponsor for this year’s RCIA. It was another big leap of commitment I’ve undertaken, really. So when I went to church, after a long absense, last Thursday for the first RCIA Inquiry session, one thing that someone said really struck me. It was like a big pail of water being poured all over me that instantly shook me up and out from those fears.

I had forgotten to put my trust in the Lord! I used to pray when I am getting anxious, but then the fear that I was going through had been so huge and intense that I had forgotten to pray to Him! To put myself in His care and to trust that He will take care of it and lead me with the Holy Spirit. How silly I was.

Suddenly, the sky seems to become so much clearer. My heart weighs lighter, my walk speaks of hope and optimism and my facial expression speaks of wonder. I know how to get rid of the last bit of anxiety!

How blessed am I to have God. How blessed am I to have encouragement from friends, especially the latest inpour of emails and smoochies from new friends whom I’ve made through the media.

If you are reading this my friend, and you have once been feeling fearful of what is going to happen in the future, or if you had overcome such fear before, I hope you will take heart to know that in this world, there really is nothing to fear except fear itself. You are definitely not alone. You have friends and family who will be your support.

That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?

My best wishes for all of you, especially if you are about to venture into the unknown too, like me. Here’s to those heroes and heroines in their own Hero’s Journey!

[tags]Hero’s Journey, fear, anticipation, enthusiasm, Kloudiia, RCIA, God, trust, anxiety, entrepreneur[/tags]