LOVE, Kloudiia

David Duchovny, star of X-Files, checked himself into a rehab centre to get rid of his sex addiction. To me, this shows that the problem is no longer a problem. It has turned into a challenge. You see, it is of my belief that if a person realises where the problem lies and is taking action to work on it, then it is viewed as a challenge. Because we know that when one tackles a challenge, he/she is sure to see results. Usually something that is positive-oriented.

Many of us are so mired in our own problem mesh that we don’t see how the entanglements are strangling us by the neck. Especially for addiction. One usually doesn’t see that he/she has become addicted to something, until it becomes so much larger than life and it comes close to destroying life’s core.

Addictions usually happen when we lack something. For example, people who take drugs are seking excitement. Those who are addicted to physical violence are seeking venting outlets. People who are addicted to sex? Ask Michael Douglas who has been treated for this before Duchovny. 

How about love? Can anyone be addicted to love? According to scientists, yes. Because when people fall in love, our bodies secret the hormone Dopamine, which is equivalent to the ”high” one gets from taking drugs like cocaine. Therefore, some may get so addicted to feeling this rush of blissfulness, excitement and joy that they are constantly seeking out people who can fulfill this need.

That is fine, provided this is what they are looking for. But many of them who are looking for a long-term relationship don’t realise that they are like dogs running after their own tails – an endless pursuit with no results.

Then they get frustrated, and think that relationships aren’t for them. This is such a pity. If only they knew that they only need to get rid of their addiction to love, and learn to know that to maintain the joy and excitement in relationships is possible but not without work. That means, they must know there is a difference, and a big gap, between the feeling of “in love” versus real love that is the reason for a succcessful marriage.

There are skill sets and knowledge that can be acquired to achieve a loving and lasting relationship. I speak about this in my talks and seminars, and also in my book.

As in all things in life, I firmly believe that moderation is the key. Once we let ourselves get so obsessed and addicted on something, we have lost a part of ourselves, because we are no longer in control. How sad that will be, isn’t it?