LOVE, Kloudiia

While it is the culture and society norm for a girl to be dating a guy who is older than her, things can take on a different light when he is much older than she is, and we are talking about an age gap of perhaps more than 12-15 years old.

Yes, we all advocate that love transcends everything, including race, religion, language, body size, and of course, age. I still stand by this.

But, where practicality sets in, there are indeed concerns that we have to address if you find yourself in unique situations when the age gap can bring about issues that have a huge impact on your relationship, and possibly marriage life.

Let’s see what we have on our hands:

1. Different life priorities.

This can be a huge one. Especially when you are in your early or mid-twenties and he’s already in his mid-thirties. While his first priority is to get married and have children, you may still be in the beginning of a sterling career path that looks extremely promising, and you know a kid will surely dilute your focus.

Imagine when you are reaching your peak at 30 and he’s already getting ready for his next phase of life beyond age 50. The life stages are substantially different, and so are the maturity level.

What you can do: Talk this out. If you are ready to shift your commitment and priority, then both of you will fit out pretty nicely. Again, having a child doesn’t undermine your chances of climbing the corporate ladder. In fact, it can also be seen as a plus point where you are perceived to be more stable than your peers. If your partner is willing to be actively involved in baby sitting, then it only boils down to proper time management to juggle family and work life.

Understand what both your values and priorities are. Place them in ascending order of importance. Are there any major conficts or clashes? Which are the ones? Circle them out, sit down and have a very sincere, heart-to-heart ernest talk. Be open-minded and receptive to suggestions. Be prepared to make compromies and even some sacrifices to narrow the gap that is seperating your life stages.

Hard as it may sound, when love is present, you will find that some values you thought were important to you may just shrink in size or automatically evaporate when you know you will be getting something even bigger than what those values promise.

2. Insecurity

Being much older than you, while he is usually confident and secured in his financial and career standing, he could be secretly sweating out that he will lose you to a much younger guy. One who possibly shares the same interest as you (eg clubbing, dancing) and when standing next to you gain admiration glances from public eyes.

What you can do: While he should deal with his insecurity, you can play your part too. Keeping him actively involved in your social life not only bonds you two together, you can also inject some amount of healthy energy into his life too. If your age does shows very blatantly from your outlook, consider balancing it out by dressing appropriately. You don’t want him to feel bad that people are mistaking you for his younger sister, or worse, daughter.

Let him know that a relationship has to be built on trust. So, unless your action gives him sufficient reason to doubt you, otherwise he should accord you with the respect and trust that your love for him is genuine and not flickering.

3. Fitting in

Be prepared that your friends may have a problem fitting in with his presence. You can’t blame them. For while you may have scores of stuff to talk to him, they may not feel the same.

What you can do: Explain to your friends that he’s the one you’ve chosen, and ask for their support, even if they have nothing much to talk to each other. So if he has to be around on certain occasions, then be more sensitive towards his feelings and do not neglect him while you proceed to have all the fun with your gang. 

4. Energy

This may or may not be an issue, especially if he keeps himself in a tip-top health condition. But if he doesn’t, then likely you will experience a difference in energy levels, even sexual energy could be compromised when he gets much older while you are beginning to experience a rise in your own.

What you can do: Energy can be influenced very much by one’s state. Depending on what the activity is, you can help him to get into the appropriate state by shifting his physiology, preheating the passion (Secret #57 in my book ), getting to know each other so well that your energy level will be in tune.

Funny thing is, most of the women I’ve known who are dating a much older man or like to are usually more introvert than extrovert. So spending most of the time at home or doing some leisurely activities sound more tempting to them than going on a mountain hike or banging their heads away at a club till the twilight hours.

5. Fifty years later…

We all know that women have a longer life span, don’t we? Much as we hate to talk about this, but it’s one of those issues that stick to your face until you deal with it head on and clear it with both parties.

This isn’t a big issue if he’s 10 years your senior. But when he more than 20 years older, you’re probably looking at a high chance that he will bade farewell to you first leaving you alone or with your children.

What you can do: Well, we aren’t scientists, and until they invent the miracle age-defying pill, we can’t go against nature. But you can delay that day by committing to keep fit together as one of the life goals to achieve as a couple.

Talk openly if he was to become sick during old age, what kind of care does he want? Not to the extent of imagining this day to happen, but you need to be mentally prepared that if such a day is to come, you will be there by his side. 

Meanwhile, live a rich marriage life and enjoy every single moment. When you are both aware that you are 20 years behind your peers, doesn’t that fact make you cherish each other even more? Use this to your advantage, wisely. So that when he eventually leaves, he would have left you a legacy of sweet memories to last for a long, long time.

Does such a relationship sound bleak to you now? You know what? It shouldn’t! Because of the objective of this article, I can only bring the issues of concern to the table.

There are and must be obvious advantages for a gal to be dating a guy who is much older than her. Stability for example, is already a big plus. His wider knowledge of the world puts him in a better standing as compared to those young punks just out of school and fresh in the working world. So, if you have any problems, especially in life and work, he’ll be able to come to your rescue much easier and faster.

Live life to the fullest. More so when you have found the love of your life.

[tags]older men, dating & relationships, love and marriage, security, stability, parenthood, career, life goals, priorities[/tags]