LOVE, Kloudiia

What sounded impossible and atrocious decades ago had now become increasingly atrociously possible.

In fact, the social stigma of men dating older women had watered down so much that you don’t go “Oh, you mean your boyfriend is younger than you!!!!???” in a pitch that’s 10 decibels higher than normal and your eyebrow raised till it almost touched the sky nowadays when your friend is dating a younger man. Or if he is dating an older woman.

 

To investigate and trail back to why this evolution in our social dating scene, I guess we really need to applaud the early couples who dared to make such a move and set the precedent – to show to the world that even if the man is younger than the woman, where love is concerned, age is not the boundary.

I’m sure these couples must have went through lots of those eyebrow-raising and high-pitched responses whenever the age of their partners no longer could go under wraps.

Personally, I am surrounded by couples who fall under this category. Not surpisingly, the figures are on the rise. Even the age gap is slowly widening as well. I have known a married couple where the husband is younger than the wife by 10 years old. It took her a very long time before she could accept his love and marry him amidst strong objections from family and snide remarks from friends. They are proud parents of a child since the last time we kept in touch. So maybe two now?

So, guess who are the ones left there gaping and thinking their marriage and love will not last in the first place?

Though it is no longer (or rather not as much certainly) a stigma, however there are still some points to note when dating an older woman. Especially if the age difference is more than 5 years, and the man is in his 20s while the lady is entering or already in her 30s.

Why this particular age group? Because they are both at different stages in their lives!

If you are in your 20s dating a woman, or you know of someone who is, maybe this will help you along your relationship.

The clock that continues to tick

A woman’s biological clock. If she has intention to have children, then are you able to commit to marriage and assume responsibility as a father when you peers are probably watering down gallons of beer while you stay home to change diapers?

Talk about the joy of young parenthood.

Age is but a number. But…

Maturity is not. You can be young yet mature enough to understand what is the meaning of commitment. Maturity also comes with life’s experiences. If you have been through quite a bit, then you are likely to be able to handle stress and emotional pressure better.

At the same time, if your maturity is in direct proportion to your age, then the relationship may need a longer incubation period to decide if you two have the potential to go long term and address some serious issues.

Assurance!

That’s right. Assurance is critical in such a relationship! Your lady will probably be worried when you will pop the question, or if you ever will! She will be apprehensive whether you are only serious about having short-term fun while her mind is all about long-term commitment, with the probability of starting a family.

If you have the intention to marry her, let her know. Of course, plans need to be made. So it doesn’t mean you guys have to reserve the date to register your marriage when you have just celebrated your third month anniversary. It only means you let her know clearly what you are thinking, and how you feel towards her.

Frequency

It’s ok if you are tuned to FM933 while she listens to FM938. But if you guys aren’t talking in a frequency that allows you to meet on the same page, then it’s not something to be brushed aside or taken lightly.

Communication is not just about telling the other party what you want heard. It’s very much about being able to let him/her see your point, and you see your partner’s. it is a two-way street.

There could be an amount of adjustment needed if you were to see things from each other’s perspective. Since she’s older, it’ll likely be easier for her to stand in your shoes as she was once that age too. But efforts should be expended from you too if you don’t want to tire her out so fast.

Have Fun!

Hey, those serious issues aside, there can be a good amount of fun I see in couples where the woman is older. Why?

Firstly, she is more assured as an individual to know what are the things that can make her happy. Secondly, it gives the couple a chance to relive those good ole days of being wild again! Yes, she is pretty willing and game enough to experiement new stuff, when she is nurtured by love and feels safe in the arms of her boyfriend, albeit younger. Thirdly, she is better ‘entertained’ by some of your boyish antics and playful pranks.

It’s been said that a younger man tends to be more sensitive too. How true is this I can’t say for sure, but I was extremely touched recently by a guy (my friend’s son) who actually offered to go home (we live pretty nearby each other), take an umbrella and shelter me back when we were caught in the rain! He is 6 years my junior, by the way.

Sweet!

Take this trait and merge it with an older woman’s sensitivity too. You get a more acute woman’s intuition before things go too awry, and some solid advice in areas where she has treaded before. She could be an efficient financial planner and keeper too! That means, your dream to have a house may be fulfilled faster than if you were to date a younger woman who still can’t get over the high of spending more than half of her monthly income on buying clothes, handbags and shoes. (Not all young girls are like this, I know. But it’s really hard to resist the urge when one is finally earning her own keep and gets to buy stuff!)

As I’ve said in the beginning of this post, and I’d like to repeat at the end of this post – Love has no boundary. Not even age. Dare to love and dare to live. You never know what life has in store for you, if you are so held back by your fears.

Here’s to all the bold ones in the name of love! May your love blossom with age, and days…

[tags]older women, younger men, dating & relationships, love and marriage, commitment, marriage, children, fun, communication[/tags]