Let me begin this post with a very brief extract from one of the gospels regarding Jesus. When Jesus went back to his hometown Nazareth, after having performed many miracles with his power and gained the admiration and respect of all those who was blessed by him, none of his fellow countrymen believed he was the son of God and possessed miraculous power God bestowed on him. Because they knew him since the day he was born, and saw how normal he was like anyone of them, the son of a carpenter. Because they were familiar with Jesus, too familiar. As a result, they have no faith.
Doesn’t this then become an irony of how familiarity breeds contempt?
Why does people become contemptuous when they are getting familiar with something? Doesn’t they realise that knowledge has no end and no boundaries, and the more you know of something, the more there is to find out and discover?
I guess this has to do with our comfort zone, again. Yes, when we get accustomed to the things around us, we become comfortable. Haven’t we all know by now how being in a comfort zone too long can make one become too relaxed, taking things matter-of-factly and hence becoming complacent? Yes, our comfort zone has become the best breeding ground for contempt! Instead of constantly reminding ourselves that we need to keep this in check, we allow it to fester inside us, making us feel good for being the subject matter expert in the particular field, and hence neglected the omni-important issue – staying humble and staying inquisitve and hungry for new knowledge.
This holds true even in relationships. When two people have been together for some time long enough to guess almost 80% correctly what they feel like eating that day, completing each other’s sentences, or even able to mind read them accurately, we applaud them and confer the Best Chemistry Couple title on them. This is good news, no doubt about it. It only goes to show how much quality time and effort each of them has spent with the other person, and also proves how much they meant to each other.
On the other hand, it may spell danger if complacency starts to be given a chance to poke its nose into your relationship. No matter how well you know a person, how familiar you are with estimating the response you’ll get when you throw him/her a question, and guessing the intention behind every action and thought, a slim percentage of possibility that your guess may be wrong still exists. And, regardless of how close a relationship you share with your partner, when it comes to discussing an important issue or making a request, there is still a need to first build rapport with him or her. (Alvin has a great post on explaining What is Rapport in the world of NLP.)
Yet, how often and how easy we tend to forget about this critical first step. Because we feel we know our partner at the back of our hand, so we got complacent that we would surely get the attention and the desired outcome. Hence, we jumped into it straight away, many times without even bothering to ask how was their day or if they are in the mood to discuss anything. Ladies and Gentlemen, if you are reading this, please, bear this in mind – do not allow yourself to be too smug about someone, especially your loved ones and hence forgot that they are still a human being, and all humans are affected by their emotions. Emotions is one thing that you do not have full control over, therefore please take note of his/her emotional state and never ever assume that his map is your territory and start flushing down all your thoughts, wants and desires down his/her throat assuming they’ll swallow with zeal and gratitude.
In life, it is certainly, undoubtly an asset to be an expert in your chosen field. Yet, it is an even greater asset to be able to stay humble despite all your accomplishments, for learning has no horizon.
In dating affairs, use this closeness and awareness to further strengthen your trust and faith in each other, day by day.
