LOVE, Kloudiia

This post was inspired by a very short, yet provoking conversation I had with Stuart a few days ago. We were talking about our goals, career and financial ones specifically, when I launched into this thought “How do we value one’s contribution if we put the money aside?”

What I meant was, say, if the wife is a full-time homemaker, and the husband is the sole breadwinner, does that automatically make him the champion in the contribution towards the family?

It sure is easy to gauge based on monetary value, because that is highly measurable, unlike the efforts and time that a full-time homemaker puts into the family. But is that all to it to the equation?

I remember this real-life situation of a friend whose mother is struck with a certain disease and requires personal care and attention round the clock. Her sister thus volunteered to resign from her job and take up this task, while my friend is responsible for all the bills.

In short, she forks out the cash monthly while her sister expends the time and energy. 

Who contributes more?

In this case, it is probably much easier to say it’s a 50-50 thing. However, I am more inclined to say that the one who is taking care of the mum has a tougher job. And to this, my friend doesn’t deny it either. That’s why she appreciates her sister’s sacrifice to take care of a physically-challenged loved one who is tortured by an illness.

But when we remove the element of a sick family member, and the home-maker is merely ensuring that the home is functioning well and proper, so how much is this person worth, in comparison with the breadwinner?

For someone who may have a less healthy self-esteem, there is a risk that she will attach her self-worth to the tasks that she does. As a result, they have a higher tendency to develop depression and feel that they are a burden to their spouse since they aren’t making any money to support the family.

What I’d like to say here is – to all the home-makers, you are an asset. What you should see is the value of the things you are doing. Without you, your spouse wouldn’t have a nice and cosy home to return to, no support and warmth in the family, and certainly no joy and love.

With you, your spouse can go to work and face the society with a full stomach, a relaxed body and a clear head. Because, anything that is happening in the family will be taken care of.

Look beyond the nature of the tasks you are doing. Learn to see the value, the meaning and the purpose for doing what you’re doing, and suddenly, you may just get a totally new perspective. Epiphanies happen in a wink of an eye, haven’t you realised?

As for the breadwinner, it helps lots if you can show your appreciation to your partner every now and then. Affirmation for the things they are doing is really important. So, be generous and tell your partner how important they are in your life!

You can start tonight, when you get home…

[tags]love and marriage, relationship, self-esteem, self-worth[/tags]