LOVE, Kloudiia

“Are we over?”

You were probably asking yourself this question many times over before the verdict is out.

It is finally time.

You or your partner finally said it. “Let’s break”.

Ending a relationship is mostly painful, even if you are the initiator. There are a myriad of emotions that come with a break up, and to pick up the pieces and move on with your life, you need a certain amount of time and yes, healing is necessary.

Some breakups came as a shock, while some couples saw it coming way before the events materialised. Depending on how the break up was handled, dealing with the aftermath could be an easy or uphill task.

This article is to share some useful insights for couples who didn’t quite handle the break up that well and either one or both parties could be left with a fair amount of hurt and anger that need to be dealt with.

7 Ways To Deal With Painful Break Ups

1. Handle your emotions

An angry person is an irrational person. Your emotions are probably the main culprit that are preventing you from letting go of the past and your ex.

Allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum of emotions you need and to grieve over this loss, especially if it came a bit unexpectedly or due to a sudden unpleasant event.

Some of you might have a very heavy heart due to guilt. Maybe you knew you were the one to blame, or maybe you did something wrong that hurt your ex a great deal.

Whatever it was, if you need to feel guilty, then feel it, but only for a limited period. Go cold turkey if need be during this permissible time.

2. Cry

There’s a saying that goes “there’s no use crying over spilt milk”.

But we all know that crying is a good way to release stress and any pent up negative energy. Crying puts you into a sounder slumber too as your eyes get tired out.

So, we should modify that statement to suit this context.

“There’s no use crying over spilt milk too much”

That’s right. Do it in moderation. Shedding too much tears is harmful to your eyes. Hey, you still need the windows to your soul to see this beautiful world!

3. Acknowledge, Accept and Commit

What’s over is over. Tell yourself that this is the fact. If self-talk doesn’t help, maybe a bucketful of cold water can do the trick. Hoping for miracles to happen won’t work. Hope can only be hopeful when you do something positive.

Make a commitment to yourself. Being committed is different from saying you want to let go and be happy. Being committed means no matter what the circumstance is, regardless of the mood you are in or whether you feel you are ready or not, you are committed to be happy.

It’s like a promise, only better.

4. Set a goal

Or set a few goals that you want to do now that you are single again. Was there anything you feel like doing but your ex wasn’t the least bit keen to accompany you when you were together? Do that now. Learn to enjoy being in your own company once more.

Draft out a plan to achieve those goals. Then take action. You may or may not see huge results right from the beginning, but so long as you consistently move, you will not be remaining on the same spot for long. That is what you want. Progress. In any part of your life.

With a goal chart in place, it makes things easier for you to channel your energy to those areas you want to see changed or improved and keeps you on track.

5. Build a support network

Tell a few of your friends about the goals you have set and ask them for their support. Friendship at this juncture can work miracles. Family’s comfort is a big source of encouragement and relief too. That’s why people say “there’s no place like home” and I agree totally!

6. Help someone

I’m not kidding. Go your way out to help a friend, or simply make it a point to brighten up someone’s day. If you find this idea crazy as it sounds now, and impossible, then all the more you should do it and see how you feel after that.

When you take the focus away from yourself and concentrate on giving to make a positive difference in another person’s life, it can be one of the best rewards you can have for yourself – during a time when you feel you need love and attention yet you are giving it away.

You not only feel better about yourself, you also made another person feel better too. What can be any better than this?

This is by far my favourite in this entire list. 

7. Nail down the “Whats” and the “Hows”

What can you do to feel better? How can you achieve that? What is good about yourself? How can you love yourself again?

When you start asking yourself the “What” and “How” you will notice many alternatives mushrooming. Once you have exposed yourself to the gamut of possibilities, you will begin to feel better even before you act on your preferred choice.

The end of a relationship means you are open to the possibility of another one, which can only be better since you now have more experiences. I hope you had, because if you haven’t learn those lessons, you will continue to encounter similar episodes in your life until you finally take those lessons, not only pain, away with you and make yourself wiser.

Finally, if you allow your feelings (usually negative ones) to subjugate you, you will always be living in the shadows of your past. Do you really like to stay there forever?