How To Know If A Relationship Is Healthy
19 Oct 2006
We have all seen it happening to our friends or sometimes family members. You may have witnessed it unfolding in your eyes, or you could have heard those sob stories from others.Â
We all know that love is this good feeling that makes one feel special and lifts you up. When you are in a healthy and loving relationship, you will have an assortment of experiences giving rise to positive emotions. They include affection, caring, concern, acceptance, joy, happiness, intimacy, trust and security.
A relationship can go awry when inbalances and misjudgements set in. For example, being emotionally involved may be mistaken as being needy. There is a difference between the both. The latter happens when one party’s need for emotional involvement has gone out of balance.Â
Then there are the genuine cases of people being suffocated in a relationship due to their partners’ obsessiveness, untamed jealously and sometimes even family violence. Looking at these sad cases, it makes one starts to wonder – is love present? If it is, where has it been hidden?
Obvious events aside, what are the other tell-tale signs that can give us a hint or indicate that a relationship is healthy or otherwise? I have a short list here which hopefully can serve as a form of guideline.
Signs Of A Healthy Relationship:
- Trust in each other
- Encourage personal growth
- Supportive in partner’s dreams and passion
- Allow for individuality
- Enjoy togetherness
- No controlling of the relationship or one party by another
- True acceptance
- Takes care of each other’s feelings and considerations
- Lots of affection and intimacy
- Happy in giving and receiving
- Respect is ever present
- Happy to commit to each other
- Proud of who they are and who their partner is
Signs Of A Unhealthy Relationship:
- Dominance and control
- Obsession
- Verbal or physical abuse
- No trust on one side
- Frequent fights
- Extreme fear of losing and rejection
- Constant attempts to change the other person but unwilling to change self
- Afraid of intimacy and closeness
- Giving in order to receive
- Overriding priorities
- Looking to others or partner for a sense of self-worth
- Low self-esteem
- Frequent and repeated experiences of negative feelings
- Feeling overwhelmed or suffocated in love
- Depending on others, especially partner to feel happy and secure
- Playing mind games
- Being too needy and clingy – don’t allow for personal space
If you notice any one exhibiting such signs or been told that they are experiencing such feelings from their partners, you may like to let them know that help is actually and readily available.
Men are social animals. As much as we need and want companionship and love, if we are trapped in a relationship that is zapping our energies out of us and making us miserable, then the best choice is to get out.
However if you know the secrets and keys to developing a loving and lasting relationship, then chances are you will be happily and healthily in love with healthy love and relationships! Haven’t got much clues yet? My book is coming out, real soon (promise!) 
[tags]Love,Healthy Relationships,Unhealthy Relationships,Affection,Marriage,Emotions,Violence[/tags]
3 Responses
2006 Nov 08
[...] A healthy relationship should be one that allows for individuality. It is a fertile land of love, support and lots of encouragement for our partner to pursue their goals and dreams. [...]
2007 Jan 11
Hi Kloudiia,
This is just my opinion although i’ve read about it in books, i think is was “Men from Mars, Women from Venus”
Under “Signs Of A Unhealthy Relationship:” i feel that “Giving in order to receive” can be explained from another point of view.
1) When you give, in a normal situation, the person receiving will be feel good and in normal situation, the person is likely to return the favour which will make urself feel good.
- Giving can be anything from being nice to him/her, respecting him/her, doing things wllingly for him/her)
2) Being the first to perform the act of giving. I’m sure tat most r/s in the beginning are all honey coated but of coz, along the way, some of the honey drops off. But if you follow (1), it can become a cycle.
“I make him/her happy who in turns make me happy who in turns make him/her happy ……………”
3) Of coz i’m talking about a near perfect situation. And of coz, giving, in this sense is through pure willingness. Although i’m explaining pretty technical but it’s about giving willingly and not expecting any returns. But in a normal situation, the favour is usually returned. And when the favour is returned, you will be able to continue to “give”
4) After writing all this, i notice tat under “Signs Of A Healthy Relationship:” you wrote “Happy in giving and receiving” which sort of mean wat i had in mind. =X didn’t notice it at first…
2007 Jan 26
[...] You may like to read this post I wrote some time back on the signs of an unhealthy versus a healthy relationship - How To Know If A Relationship Is Healthy. [...]