LOVE, Kloudiia

As promised in Fiona Xie, ‘Reloaded’, here’s my take on the first of the two keystones to a healthy relationship – Security  

We are talking about Emotional Security here, and not Financial Security. In case you start wondering if this is all about dollars and cents, it’s about sense, actually. 

How many times have we heard of this term “Safety First” in our entire lives? Why is safety so important, that in so many things that we do, we have to insure that Safety Always Come First?

Arguably, you could maintain it refers to one’s physical safety. On another note, doesn’t this also imply an essential need? Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs can attest to this.

Insecurity stems from several sources. I inferred that a woman lacks security when she felt threatened or upset when their guy glances at the next pretty thing who sauntered by. This could be just one of the many examples that can happen between a dating or married couple.

I am making a general assumption here that your boyfriend is NOT a flirt, and he does not ogle or glare at a woman so lustily till his eyes almost popped out and he totally ignored your existence. This only shows a blatant lack of respect for you, as his girlfriend and as a person, it also indicates strongly that he simply does not deserve your love. 

If you feel insecure, it could be due to a few reasons. Maybe you have had a bad experience before that crushed your ability to look at yourself positively. Or, you felt inferior to this appealing stranger. Or you are used to demeaning yourself to a much lower level than you actually are. Or your family background…

Whatever the reasons may be, girls, stop feeling sorry! The worst thing you can do to yourself is to allow these miserable and useless feelings to creep into you and build it up so much that it’s eating into your emotional well-being. It’s time that you wake up, and start empowering yourself. If you are already aware that this insecurity lies in you, then you have to deal with it, and not expecting your partner to keep placating you in every situation that may cause you to feel uncertain, especially when he has done nothing wrong or exceeded the boundary.

Why put your happiness on someone else’s hand? You should be able to make that choice, because it is YOUR life, and NOT his. And by feeling inferior, looking at yourself negatively all the time, thinking he likes this other girl or is attracted by her is not only making you upset and miserable, it is also causing distress upon him. How beneficial this is to your relationship?

This is not about looks. It doesn’t matter how or how not good-looking you are, because your man may or may not be that cute too, it is really about how rich your internal soul is. If you are rich inside, then you will know that you have been chosen by him to be his special someone for some special reasons, and they are not just how you look, or how you dress. It’s much more deeper than those superficial considerations. You know this inside you, don’t you?

I went through this journey too. So I can fully understand how it feels when the ravages of uncertainty and insecurity come down on us, even crippling your self-confidence and self-esteem. However, it really is about picking up this innate ability to love yourself, and to treat yourself well, very well. Start adding these practices into your life now, and you will be amazed at how good you can feel about yourself.

Does your girlfriend “freak out” in cases like this? Then as a man, what you can do to help her along this journey of internal enrichment is at least, be respectful of her existence and, in this simple example, not let your eyes rest on certain body parts (especially where they protude) of the opposite sex for more than 3 seconds. And you know I’m not referring to pregnant women! Or to non-stop ramble on how attractive that woman was, even though she could be 500 miles away from you as you are speaking.

Doesn’t man feel insecure too? Yes they do. Read more in my next post.