LOVE, Kloudiia

“Hi, thanks for replying .. I’m a 19 years old girl .. My world seems to crash within a few days .. I stopped studying at Sec 2 due to depression ..to cut the story short, I struggled for a few years before I get back to studies again .. last year I took my ‘O’ levels results .. It wasn’t what I excepted, so as a human of course I’m feeling upset right .. But I kept myself positive but my family seems to be negative especially my mother .. She said nasty things like I wasn’t able to study and I should go to tuition .. It really hurt me deeply becasuse through out the whole year I’m studying like mad ..

I have a boyfriend of 2 and a half years .. We knew each other for about 5 years .. Actually our relationship wasn’t really pleasant .. We used to fight and he used to say nasty stuff to me like “I ruin his day” or maybe more nasty like vulgar .. But things have changed last year .. He started to treat me alot better and now we seldom fight .. But somehow I find this relationship getting no where .. I think I still love him but I can’t stand a plain relationship where he doesn’t even treat me importantly .. for example a sms before work .. He just simply can’t do that .. He would rather give me a miss call and I’m fine with it .. But soon his miss call even stopped but he insisted he did call .. Yes he did call but he doesn’t even bother to make sure the line got through before hanging up! I can’t bear to leave him and now i dun have enough reasons to convince myself to leave him .. But I’m sick and tired of talking to my boyfriend again and again on how to improve the relaitonship and stuff..

Recently there is this guy who is my old friend for 8 years .. Now he is playing games with me .. He confessed that he likes me but he seems that kind of happy go lucky type you see .. Last night he came all the way down from Sengkang to Redhill just to see me .. but he doesn’t seem serious about me even though he claims he is .. I did not let myself develop any feelings in the first place but out of nowhere i seem to care for him more and more .. Is this guy really serious?

If you need want to know more about my boyfriend I’ll send you an email again cos I’m hurrying off to somewhere now and sorry, my email is abit messy ..

Love, M”

Dear M

Are you really fine with a missed call?

If you aren’t, then you owe it to yourself to have a boyfriend who will treat you with decent respect and will show you care and concern. What’s the point of giving you a miss call anyway? Does it mean having that number of the screen means he’s missing you then? If so, why can’t he say “Hi, I just call to say I miss you…”

Doesn’t take more than 5 seconds to say that. You know that, don’t you?

A man who punctuates his sentences with vulgarity speaks much of his character. 

So, it boils down to this – what do you see in him? Why do you think you like him?

Your old chum of 8 years came back for a reason, one which you have yet to fathom. Are you feeling insecure of his feelings for you because of his happy-go-lucky personality like you say, or due to other reasons? Is your boyfriend part of your consideration?

A happy person may not be someone who is incapable of being faithful. Unless he flirts with any girl he sees within his visible radar, we can’t just conclude he’s a skirt-chaser due to his light-hearted nature, can we?

Similarly, it is always good to observe more before you allow yourself to plunge into a relationship that is full of question marks. Hang around more, and you should be able to sense his true intentions.

As for your mom, have you initiated any conversation with her. Show her how much her love and support means to you, and tell her you are taking your life more positively now and you like her to walk this journey with you.

Appeal to her motherly nature.

It may take a few sessions to achieve this, however do not give up. Persist on and you may get an avalanche of love from her sooner than you think!

If it fails, it’s alright. Do not take it personally. Your mum may have some issues herself which she is blind to. Have a compassionate heart, forgive her and move on.

Allowing her nasty words to bring you down means you are giving another person permission to run or ruin your life. Is this what you want for yourself? I doubt so, especially for someone who has sprung back in life after a depression, and brave enough to take her ‘O’ levels again. Nevermind the results, applaud yourself for the effort. You deserve a pat on your back, truly.

I know how much family support means, and how hurtful it can be to live without it and to suffer from the verbal abuse from your loved ones. Hang on there M, your consistent and loving efforts will make them see you in a new light in time to come.

In the meantime, go and join some social clubs that can provide you some emotional support. That will be very helpful as you venture on your life to be a much better, stronger and lovable person than you used to be before.

I wish you all the best.

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]family, dating & relationship, abuse, depression, love advice, relationship advice[/tags]