“Hi Hi.. I came across your webby and thought you could have an advice or two for me.. =) would appreciate it if you reply me.. I have loved this girl whom I met over the net for over a year.. I am really sincere about her.. Have been waiting for her for a year even though she went on with other guys.. Despite the fact she knew that I loved her.
Towards the end of last year, I met up with her.. she was single at that time.. we started french kissing.. we met up practically everyday.. I am in the army as a regular. But I tried to find time for us.. Then on new year day she dropped the bombshell that she accepted back her ex boyfriend.. I was so so sad.. I decided to start a new.. but 2 weeks ago she messaged me saying she was so depressed and can’t forgive herself.. I went over to meet up with her.. she said her ex boyfriend had ditched her. We were talking and talking.. and we started french kissing which later led to sex..
I don’t know if she will accept me.. She’s not in Singapore currently coz she went to Myanmar to visit her parents.. she’s Burmese btw.. please contact me and help me out Kloudiia.. I am so in love with this girl.. I do not know if she does as well.. When I asked her whether has she accepted me, she replied she can’t answer anything at this moment.. she said she likes me but she can’t love me.. But I am the type who would’nt give up easily.. I have got strong determination.. haiz.. Help me Kloudiia.. I am at a lost whether to pursue on and have this mentality that she will accept me 1 day or just give up.. help me please..” - E
Dear E
Having sex when things aren’t clear on the coast only makes the water even murkier. But what’s done cannot be undone. This also tells me that she can be quite emotional, and she could be just using this as one of the ways to release the tension she is feeling inside. Am I right?
No matter how much you love her, the feelings need to be reciprocated before you can even consider yourself as an item. Have you found out why she can’t love you? Is it due to her ex?
It seems like she’s got some issues with letting go of her past, and in the way she handles her emotions.
I believe she knows how much you care for her. Give her the time she needs.
This can be a traumatising period for you, having to keep wondering if she likes you or not. At times you may wish that she will give you an answer, even if it means you no longer stand a chance, but at least you know what’s in her mind.
I can understand if you’re feeling this way. No one likes to be left hanging there, not knowing what to do or expect next.
But, please also understand that when feelings are concerned, there’s really no hard and fast rule to anything. Anything can be possible. So, if you really love her like you said, then just remain hopeful while constantly taking little actions to demonstrate your sincerity, care and love.
When she’s walked out of her shadow, she may delight in your presence.
All the best to you E.
Love, Kloudiia
[tags]love advice, dating & relationship, ex boyfriend, emotional baggage, moving on, letting go, does she like me[/tags]
One Response
2007 Apr 17
In today’s context and very much open minded society, having sex don’t necessary means that she will or can accept you, though I am not condoning such unsecured intimate act, it’s just a factual social trends these days.
If there are ways to contact her when she is away, then try to maintain contact with her even if it’s a snail mail, at least show her that you are still there and care for her.
Secondly, if she does come back later, seek an opportunity to have a heart to heart chat with her, especially in the aspect of why she can’t love you, try to find out the reason why only then you can know what’s the problem that you need to deal with and overcome. However, I must add that your approach must be cautious, understanding, patience and gentle. Try to listen and understand from her points of view or perspective, put aside your own feelings. Show her that it’s because you care and you want to help her if she allows you to.
Approach the heart, not the mind.
Lastly, personally, I don’t believe in long distance relationship especially those that through the cyberspace, of course that don’t mean absolute, cause I know there are few successful cases, but I think that is more a exception than norm.
In any case, all the best to you.