Applies to the adult singles too. That’s why even when we were still running our dating agency, we always advice our members not to rush into marriage. You are not judged by how successful your marriage is. Thanks.

ED: “It is heartbreaking for a mum but sometimes, we ought to let her “get hurt” so she will learn. ” – good point. Sometimes we won’t learn until we fall down and get hurt. It hurts, but it will heal.

But if they don’t fall down in life, they won’t know what hurt is like because they only hear it from their parents that “hurt is painful”.

That’s why modern day parenting requires a very good balance in the delicate issue of which areas to be stricter and when to let go and let their children experience lives in their own ways.

JD: Thanks.

However, what I feel is IL can be there for her daughter in another manner. IL need not necessary “dictate” her daughter’s love for this man. Things have seen itself in such a manner, that she has the tendency to run off from home, the last thing we hope to see is – the daughter being “pressurized” so much that she decides to run off from home for good. Sometimes, we exert pressure on others so much indirectly that we do not see it, even when we do it out of sheer love and concern. Therefore, I second Kloudiia and Bored Dad’s suggestion for IL to consider her approach.

IL also mentioned her daughter is only coming 20 years old this year. In my opinion, she is still very young. It is heartbreaking for a mum but sometimes, we ought to let her “get hurt” so she will learn. It doesn’t feels good to see a daughter get hurt, but every hurt that comes, she grows wiser. Just make sure the moment she needs you, you are there – as a mother, as a friend.

However, I just like to add that, your approach to her will be critical. Like Kloudiia suggested, be a friend to her, not a mother, not a ‘boss’, not a domineering one, not an authority figure. Your tone, your choice of words, your gestures, will also plays a part on your daughter how she will percieves you.

Also, I do suspect that you might have a little challenges in getting your daughter to sit down and listen to your stories, and sharing. Instead of forcing her to sit down and listen to you. May I suggest that you can start by leaving a little notes to her every now and then, letting her know that, no matter what happens, you are still there for her. Encourage her, reassuring her, and let her know that you are willing and ready to spend time to talk and share with her. Also, do tell her you love her and how much it hurts you to see her cry and left home without a word, and how helpless you felt when you does not know where’s her about, etc etc. Slowly, I believe she will be willing to sit down with you and start to share with you.

Be loving, be caring, give her lots of hugs, cry with her when need be, don’t be afraid to show the ‘weaker’ side of you by crying out when you share your stories, and cry along with her when she shares her part of the story.. her feeling, her hurts and pain. Don’t be angry with her if she ever involves in intimacy before, but rather to give her the assurance that it’s a process of a relationship, and you don’t blame nor angry with her.

Lastly, at such a tender age, she is really in the stage of searching of an true identity of herself, her self-worth, self-esteem, acceptance by friends, peers. She might find it ‘stressful’ when her peers are all attached while she doesn’t, assurance needed to be given to her that it’s actually perfectly normal that to be single and non-attached.

Wish you all the best, your daughter too.