LOVE, Kloudiia

“Dear Kloudiia,

I am a secondary school student and recently I met my senior who I haven’t met in 10 years. He’s really very nice to me, he’s given me a lot of help in everything and we pretty much share the same interests and the thing is, I think I’m in love with him…

From the time I met him until now I have only seen him 4 times but have kept in contact through sms and msn messenger. I told him ‘I like you’ twice and both times he freaked out. I asked him if he liked me and he said ‘as a friend’.

Recently I ran round the world [sort of] to deliver a very important letter to him and we only said one word to each other when we met and after that strangely I felt like I was dumped when nothing much actually happened. And strangely I find myself feeling miserable when he doesn’t reply my smses…

I’m not sure if what I feel for my senior is pure admiration and infatuation [because he's the only senior I have, he's unbelievably smart and he's really quite gentlemanly] or is it love and as the days go by it gets more and more confusing…

He told me he’s sort of going out with someone right now and I don’t think I’ll want to become the 3rd party or something… And he’s also taking his ‘O’ levels this year so he’s kind of incredibly busy…

I really don’t know what to do, please help…” - V

Dear V

This really sounds too much like what I’d usually see in drama serials, except that it’s now happening on you!

Well you’re in luck! Why do I say that since it looks like your “falling out of love” is imminent?

Because he has made his stand very clear to you. Thank your lucky stars V that this guy isn’t the wishy-washy draggy type who keeps giving you false hopes and yet refusing to affirm how he feels for you.

In secondary schools, juniors tend to be attracted to their seniors easily. Note I say attracted and not fall in love with. This is because many of us do get confused over the two.

While the former means you experience the skipping of a heart beat or two whenever the object of your affection saunters by or whenever you hear his/her name (which shares a similar symptom for those falling in love), the latter requires a deeper connection.

You get attracted to someone who is better than you in many ways, and you can be attracted to many people at one time! Though attraction is a pre-requisite for love, it doesn’t necessary develop into it unless other conditions are present. And falling in love again doesn’t mean you will enter into a relationship because this, again requires more conditions to be present at the same time.

So, what do you do now? Do you believe him when he says he is with someone now? If you do, I believe you have got the answer already.

If you don’t want to be a third party (give yourself a pat on your back for this), then don’t.

Meanwhile, why not focus all your energy into your studies now and expand your social circle? Having more friends and interactions, especially with the opposite sex, will help to increase your knowledge and skills in this area. In this way, you’ll be able to differentiate what is attraction, infatuation, admiration and love more easily as you grow up.

Take heart to know that you are still incredibly young, and all these are just part and parcel of growing up! Enjoy this process. You can’t turn back the clock once it’s gone.

All the best to you V.

Love, Kloudiia