LOVE, Kloudiia

We were chatting happily till this Sunday when I sms to let him know that he was the first guy I gave my no to and I normaly didn’t do that and reject guys as i had my own principle not to give out my number at such places.

His replied messgages were (1) I have no intention to pick you up as a fling or something like tat. Just frens. I don’t allow other people to access my world easily. Not even my friends. (2) I have no intention to lead anyone on. I don’t wish to hurt anyone or own anyone anything. I felt damn hurt and being dumped by him. He made me felt like I was a standby. After these two messages, I quickly called him and said “XXX, I just want to clear our misunderstanding and I also treat you as a good friend as well.” He replied “Err..ok.” Immediately, he diverted his attention to his new camera. From rest of Sunday till today, no more sms, phone calls and morning wake up calls. I am deeply hurt and felt being cheated by guys again. Y when I am starting to open my heart again and I met such jerks again? Had I scare him off which I guess he is not ready for committment? If he doesn’t why bother to chase me? He did tell me that his parents are divorced and from his blogs I knew he had two childish relationships before.” - J

Dear J

Thanks for your email and I’m really sorry for the late reply. I can feel how confused you must be over such a situation, and I’m sure you are not alone. There are many other similiar cases like this when the encounter happened at a nightspot.

He seemed real, yet not that real when you wanted to take a step forward and find out. I think the problem here lies in the way you have interpreted his actions. No doubt his words can be somewhat misleading, however we really don’t know his actual intentions by just reading the superficial signals.

Who knows, he may be undergoing some tough time himself, and you happen to be a very good companion. He did enjoy those dates. Like you say he had two “childish” relationships (I have no idea why you call it childish. Could it be that they lack the skills in managing a relationship, or it’s just puppy love?) and he came from a split family, all these could have indirectly shaped his beliefs about dating and relationship. For one, he could be very afraid of having or dealing with rejections?

One thing I can be quite certain of from your mail is that both of you are attracted to each other. That’s why the frequent smses (aka text messages) and those enjoyable dates. Maybe if given more time, this attraction can develop into something more concrete. Maybe, just maybe. Nobody knows for sure. I find that 2 weeks may be too short to know him as a person enough to determine his intentions and sincerity.

Why I am saying this is because of the place you met. I’m sure there is a reason why you don’t give out numbers to people in clubs. Everyone is there to have fun and to unwind. Each of them may have their own agenda, which we wouldn’t know unless we give them enough time to find out.

By labelling him as a “jerk” you are actually locking your own door before closing it. I understand you may have had some unhappy past, and you have mustered up some amount of courage to date again. I am very happy for you that you have taken this step to gear up your love life. I truly hope that you will continue to have hope and believe that you will find the one for you eventually.

Meeting people is just a starting point. To know whether or not he is suitable for you takes time and of course, you must know yourself well enough too. If you want to know how to go about ascertaining the right person for you, you can contact me for a seperate session.

J, I hope you can take this episode as a learning experience for you where dating is concerned. Regardless of the final outcome, the fact remains that the memories are there and it’s sweet, aren’t they? Actually, dating is about this – to enjoy each other’s company and be happy.

You will find the one for you eventually provided you keep your door open. Closing it again, or worse locking it, will not only cut away all possibilities for finding love, you may end up getting more hurt.

Wishing you all the best and all the best to your dating success.

Sincerely, Kloudiia

[tags]Love advice,Dating,Signals,Singles[/tags]