Actually I forgot to mention one critical point also.

When getting into a relationship with a person, one don’t just get into a relationship with that person alone, a relationship will includes the family members, relatives, friends and others around him/her. So be involve in this areas and you will know your partner in a more thorough aspects instead of just he/she alone with you.

About finances, yes, I agree, it’s about getting prepared and ready, building up reserves, together a couple, not as individual.

“no one will ever be totally be finanically ready or stable to settle down or start a family. So the key point is working together, building up the finance together to be as much as possible to start a family together. ” – this just strikes the nail on the head. It’s what I wrote in my earlier post about readiness. I think getting ready to face challenges as they come and to grow along the way is much more important than thinking we’ve gotten everything ready to do something and to be faced with unexpected surprises.

I think there are few issues need to be addressed here:

Firstly, like Kloudiia said, if she is one that focus very much on family value and approval on her relationship, then why not ask yourself why is it that you are unwilling, or not prepared to attend any of her family gathering? Is she attending yours too? Have you talk and shared with her what’s your concerns why is it that you feel this way?

Financially not stable enough, who is every will be financially stable and ready to be settle down? Especially so with the ever rising of cost of living? strictly speaking, no one will ever be totally be finanically ready or stable to settle down or start a family. So the key point is working together, building up the finance together to be as much as possible to start a family together. Cause starting a family is never just one party’s affair. Then again, have both of you talk over such issue and finding a way to overcome or compromise, and finally finding a way to work together towards the goal of starting a family?

It’s alright to go for career advancement etc, but one must not forget to have a balance work life.

Next thing is, R mentioned that she don’t have time for him especially so over the weekends. Instead of complaining, why not show more understanding? Afterall, the relationship is barely 5 months old, not a very long time if you ask me. It’s still on a building up phase and not quite stable per se, also, though it’s also very much a ‘honeymoon’ period, she still does need to have her personal and private spaces, her personal times with her friends, family and doing her own things, you can’t expect her to devote to you 24/7 or all the weekends.

Again, have both of you talk about such issue?

Her past relationship had ‘disturbed’ her, so as her new and current bf, what have you done to help her to overcome? What have you done to give her the sense of security and assurance? Again, have both of you talk about such issue?

As you can see, I have repeated ask the question: ‘Have both of you talk about it?’. Why? Cause communication is a very important key to build a successful relationship. You had spent sometime talking to your colleague about your career, listened to their encouragement and advises and decied to do something about it. Then have you spend sometime to talk to your gf about the issues that affecting your relationship?

Sorry to say that when in a relationship, we shouldn’t focus so much how we feel, but how our partner feels. Cause base on what was posted in here and mentioned by R, I can’t help but to feel that R have being very much focus on his own feeling rather than care much of what his gf feels. Not that R totally didn’t care how she feel, but perhaps not enough?

R think he should be given a chance to be together, but have he give his gf a chance in the first place?

When in a relationship, communication is very important. Also, it’s no longer ‘I’, ‘Me’ & ‘Myself’, but rather it’s ‘We’, ‘Us’ & ‘Ourselves’.

If R’s gf does bent on a break up, I guess R just have to learn to accept it and face it like a man. I know how it feels like cause I had being through this stage about 2 years ago when my gf decided to break up with me. Very importantly, don’t push the blame to her alone but rather ask yourself, and reflect back, truthfully and honestly, what have you done (or not done) that cause her to make such decision. Sometime, it’s not her fault, it’s just that you might not be what exactly she expected, nor wanted from the relationship.

So best thing to do right now while waiting for her final decision, and yes, it’s best not to disturb her nor cause her to be more vexed than she already is (she probably feel much worse than you, have you thought of this?), do some reflections upon yourself and then do prepare to have a heart to heart, truthful and honest, soul to soul, mind to mind, opened and hold nothing back talk with her. Not just to tell her how you feel, but more importantly, listen to her and how she feels. Move away from the mental block that you only want to tell her how you feel, but fail to listen to her and how she feel.

Do be mindful that never raise your voice if her decision was not what you wanted to hear, or in the process of talking and sharing. Stay clear headed and calm, cool.

I wish you all the best, and I know it’s a cliche to say this, ‘what is yours will be yours eventually’, but this is exactly what happened to me now, my gf decided to broke up with me 2 years ago, but after 2 years later, we are back together now again, having better understanding, stronger bonds, greater affection for each other, most of all, we know what is our expectation out of the relationship we are building on now.