“KloudiiaÂ
Had been a week never speak to my girlfirend since 31 Dec 2006 after I went to her house to help her paint her house.
I went specially to help her and so that we can spend the last day of the year together, but she give my a cold shoulder the whole day.
After the painting we celebrate the new year with her mum and sister (quite in good term with her family). After that when I was going home, I ask her do she need me anymore for 2007? She answer she can’t feel anything for me and currently want to be alone and ask to give her time to think about it.
At this point my heart already broken.. this is the second time I heard from her like you are very good but…I never think of spending the rest of life with you.
After 1 week she sms me to meet the day after and I agree believed it is going to be a break. But that morning she sms again saying she would like to think for another 1 or 2 week to think as she don’t want to hurt me again with the together then break routine. She mention she go back to me..
As this point I still questioning myself can I still carry on with her.
After 31 Dec I know my emotional state of mind already went deep into my heart never want to be hurt again. That’s why I try to call/sms her or ask not to meet her anymore. I let my logical state of mind control of me. I know deep inside i still love her, but when i think of how I been treated in 31 Dec, I don’t want to think of her anymore.
My logical state tell me any girlfriend will want to send this last day of the year with someone she treasure and certainly not to give him cold shoulder, and before that she already don’t care about me with those short sms and cold reply to my call.
If she ask for reconcile, can I continue with her again? Starting all over the relationship again? I’m old at 31 years old, she’s 28. I feel we been wasting our time for the past 1 year after we reconcile. This 1 year we been very close and lovely. We even ballot a HDB flat together and she agreed to it, but that was before her female colleague question her was she confirmed I was the man she want to spend the rest of her life with… and she been withdrawning then.
Saying things like she like me alot but not love, holding hand only, doesn’t mean anything… etc
I know I am hopeless by still loving her deeply and simply I don’t know what to do if she want to reconcile again or break… sigh” - W
Dear W
What a complicating email! Let me do my best to simplify it ya?
You are in a on-off relationship. Things look rosy and good and hopeful, but when it comes to the point when decisions need to be made, one party is having the doubts.
Whether or not your girlfriend’s colleague asked her the question, the fact is when she has doubts, it points to one thing – how strong is your relationship?
In fact, if I were you, I’d be extremely thankful to her colleague! You’d rather find out whether both of you are suited for each other or not before signing the legal papers to get married than after right?
Two parties need to be very sure that they can see a future with the other person before you make the life-long commitment, which is the marriage.
Your girlfriend certainly sounds very lost and confused now. The reason for her blowing hot and cold may not be something she wants too, but is a result of her not knowing where her heart stands now. It could be due to the problems between both of you, or some experiences she had before. Whatever these are won’t be an issue if they weren’t affecting your relationship.
But when they are, then it’s time to take some action to not let them affect you anymore and move towards your final goal.
You may want to suggest to her to get her thoughts clarified so that she can know what she actually wants, because it’s no longer about you. I would propose coaching in this case for her which can help her find her directions in life, including her love life and what she wants.
If you are sure of how you feel towards her even till now, then it’s pretty clear that the ball is now on her court. Help her to help yourself and your relationship W. I’m pretty confident if she sorts out her internal issues, both of you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The outcome may not what you want, but it certainly beats you hanging there in the middle of the air, not knowing whether to land or which direction to go.
Let me know if I can help further. All the best to you W, and your girlfriend too.
Sincerely, Kloudiia
[tags]love advice, relationship advice, on-off relationship, break up, girlfriend, getting married, pre-marital stress, pre-marital blues[/tags]
One Response
2007 Jan 26
I just like to add on to what Kloudiia has said, your gf is what she is now may be because she is as confused as you are, not knowing what she wants and neither where she want to go.
But instead of just focusing on yourself, how you feel, or how you were being treated, why not spare some thought for her and on her? Think why she is behaving this way and how you can help her. Instead of forcing her to make a decision, why not see how you can help her to make a decision? Remove the focus from yourself and focus more about her, how she feel and why, try your best to be an understanding person, supportive and encouraging, helpful, and be there for her.
Was it really that important how you were being treated on 31 Jan 07? Or the mind state and the heart affair about your gf is more important than that? I do think that at time, if only we man can put down our own pride and spare a thought for our partner, there will be many more successful relationship in this world already.