LOVE, Kloudiia

“Kloudiia

I have been dating my girifriend since last year January. After 4 months she had to go back to America to study and to work. Everything went well until a few days ago I was online chatting with her. She said, she does not want to ger married, no children, doesn’t want to come back for good. I felt very upset and started to cry.

The next day I had to call her mum to find out the problem. The mother said that she rather go back being friends for a while, and not to disturb her, she has mind of her own, do not call her, don’t sms her, but can email her. I don’t know what to do now. Now I’m feeling very sad. What if she has a boyfriend? Why does she want to hide certain things that I do not want to know? What is her problem? How to solve long distance relationship?” - TC

Dear T

You must be in tenterhooks now, am I right?

The sudden change of heart in your girlfriend suggests to us many possibilities. She could be suffering a short anxiety attack due to the separation, or she could be thinking real hard about your future and felt that she cannot be fully committed to it right now.

Whatever it is, since she asked for some cooling off period, take this time to think it through. How good has your relationship been? Is she someone who can have a long distance relationship? Because not everyone can handle one, especially for those who need constant physical companionship, and not just having virtual modes of communication.

I don’t know why you called her mom, maybe you speak to her rather frequently. If this is the case, until your girlfriend is ready to speak to you, I guess the only way to find out how she is and to show her your concern is only via her mother.

On another note, are you prepared to relocate to where she is to sustain this relationship?

For a long distance relationship to work, the parties involve must first have the characteristics to be suitable for such an arrangment. She doesn’t sound like she does, and I’m not so sure about you.

Trust is very critical. How much trust do you have on her, and she on you?

You need to first ascertain what you want first, before you can plan out your action steps. How much do you love her and how much do you want to keep this relationship?

You didn’t tell me your age in your email, but hearing that your girlfriend is back to US to study, I guess you guys must be pretty young. Why are you talking about marriage and having children now that she hasn’t even graduate? Why don’t you take some time to know each other better before making such life-long decisions?

Remember – it takes two to tango. So even if you are the one who wants to keep the relationship very badly, you need your partner to be a willing party as well. Otherwise, there is no relationship to talk about, as there is no partnership!

Let me know if you need more help.

All the best to you T.

Love, Kloudiia

P.S If you want to read and learn more about long distance relationships, check out the archives of Ask Kloudiia. I’ve replied to several emails on this topic alone! Hope they give you some good insights on how to resolve your situation. Cheers!