LOVE, Kloudiia

“Hi Kloudiia,

Have you know of any gals who will use their body to make the man fall for her?

Well, I do know of a friend who does just this.

She’ll jump into bed with man whom she just know (mostly from the internet). She is just of the view that if the man can go to bed with her, it means that the guy does have special feelings for her. She doesn’t believe that guy usually thinks using the wrong part of the body.

She’ll continue to meet the guy on & off. But the guy however, does not ask her to be his official girlfriend (though guys don’t usually ask this nowadays). She’s puzzled. Especially if the guy is treating her more like a normal friend though they still have physical contacts.

Now what should I do as a friend to make her wake up her idea? She is someone who falls in love easily.” - J

Dear J

Oh dear, I hope your friend is using protection!

Your friend is puzzled that the guy whom she went to bed with didn’t officially ask her to be his girlfriend. So under such circumstances, what does she believe her relationship with this guy is?

She certainly has some interesting definitions of what love is to her, and her own beliefs about love and relationships. If you like to let her “wake up her idea” like what you say, first of all you have to discover what her definition of and beliefs about love are.

Ask her what must happen in order for her to feel loved. Maybe being intimate is how she defines it to be, or how she thought men like to be loved.

There can be several reasons why she is doing this, maybe partly to satisfy her own need for love (a wild guess). If she seriously is looking for a long-term relationship, then I feel love coaching will be very helpful for her.

As a friend, what you can do is to give her the alternatives and let her make the choice herself. Coaching is one. Other alternatives can be getting some guy friends to share what they feel about love and relationships (do this over a casual coffee session to make it less obvious), so that she will be able to see things from another perspective and not solely from her heavily rose-tinted glasses.

Reading books on love and relationships helps for her to gain a better understanding of what it means to be in a relationship. We are talking about partnership here, one that involves a connection of two parties, one that involves effort too, and not solely based on bodily enjoyment. I hope she is someone who reads!

Again, one book that I strongly recommend her to read (beside mine ) is this from Barbara de Angelis. She will learn a very important concept in life that she can apply in her own situation now, i.e love herself.

All the best to you and your friend J.

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]love advice, relationship advice, dating & relationship, sexual intimacy, pre-marital sex, love coaching, definitions of love, love beliefs[/tags]