LOVE, Kloudiia

I was inspired by a friend (if you are reading this now, you know who you are ) to write on this new series on Love Beliefs. In NLP, we believe that everyone has the same neurology. The reason why certain people succeed in life while others don’t is not because they have a unique set of neurons, but because of the beliefs they held and the actions they took. That is what sets them apart.

The same goes to love. Why does certain people just seem to “have it all”? While others always meet the wrong man/woman, have a different fate, suffering from a series of failed relationships, not enjoying a loving marriage with their partner etc? Do the former have better qualities than the latter? Are they more attractive, more eloquent, born with a better fortune, or are they simply plain lucky? Maybe they could be one or combination of the above reasons. Or maybe because they have a set of positive love beliefs, besides the right knowledge and skills, that enable them to be that successful and happy in their relationships!

“Belief” is defined as this, according to Dictionary.com:

be-lief  /bi-leef/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[bi-leef] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun

See what it says. Belief is the confidence, the trust, the conviction in something you deemed as true even without the immediate proof or evidence to support and justify that something you believe in.

Because of what you believe to be true, you have already programmed your neurons to accept this as the axiom, until facts prove otherwise. So do real facts always concur with your beliefs? During the process, maybe not. At the end of the tunnel, yes.

Many times, when reality sets in and gives you some disappointments and heartaches, you have 2 choices to make. One, you choose to allow yourself be beaten down, and you fall back to your limiting beliefs about love. When you do this, slowly but surely you will notice that all your limiting beliefs about love will absolutely, certainly, undoubtly surface in various forms and shapes to prove them right. You have just set up a self-killing trap for yourself, and you have unknowingly become the victim of this dark vicious circle.

The second choice you can make, and which obviously I blatantly state is what I believe strongly to be the right one, is to continue to hold on to your positive belief about love. By doing so, what is happening to your brain? You are telling yourself that yes, I may have a failed relationship, or even a failed marriage, but that only means that I have become more sensitive to my future partner’s needs and I have come to know myself better, as a person, as a lover, as a spouse and as a parent.

This kind of experience is not even money can buy in the world! Why are you discarding all these lessons you have learnt, so precious and invaluable?

What are some examples of limiting love beliefs and positive love beliefs? Let’s look at the following:

Limiting Love Beliefs

1. No man/woman find me attractive.
2. I do not deserve to be loved.
3. No one will want to be with a divorcee.
4. I am always meeting the wrong man/woman!
5. I just don’t have luck in love.
6. There is no true love in this world.
7. Love is only a feeling. It will pass once you are with that someone for a period of time.
8. Love dies when you get married.
9. Men are unfaithful. (only applies to women)
10. Love means no freedom.

Positive Love Beliefs

1. I am attractive and I am unique.
2. I deserve to have someone who loves me and me to love him/her back.
3. I will meet the right woman/man for me.
4. Love is a choice.
5. I will have a loving and successful relationship.
6. There is true love in this world.
7. Marriage is the best breeding ground for genuine love to develop, nurture, grow and mature.
8. Successful relationships is dependent on the right skills and knowledge, not luck.
9. True love sets me free.
10. I believe in love.

Just by reading these beliefs to yourself, notice how differently you can begin to feel inside you?

I will zoom into some of the beliefs stated and elaborate deeper into why are you killing yourself and your relationship with those limiting beliefs you have, and why are you setting yourself up for something wonderful to come into your life (if it hasn’t yet) and why you are going to allow yourself to turn your relationship from what it is now to what you want to be.

Before I end, I just like to share what makes me qualified to talk about this when I am not even married? Because, I have held on to a simple yet very powerful love belief in the whole of a decade when I was single. And because I chose not to give up, although sometimes I began to have doubts but I still held on, this man finally came into my life. Is 10 years a long enough time to put one’s belief on the mill? I think yes, it is.

My one simple love belief was, has been, and still is:

“I believe I will find the man for me because I strongly believe there is love.”

Stay tuned for the next episode of this Love Belief Series.