LOVE, Kloudiia

“Hi Kloudiia,

I’m a 24 yrs old guy, working and doing my degree at the same time. So far I had only 2 relationships. Due to my study commitments I never wanted to start a relationship. But when it comes it comes… Recently I fell for a girl at my work place. I managed to find her email on the company server. After a few conversations, I felt she wasn’t spontaneous and I had to start every conversation. Tried asking her for a date but she rejected me. I asked if she dislikes me, she said no but let’s be friends. She also ask me to date other girls, saying that she is difficult to ‘chase’, she was afraid that she might waste my time.

I’m really confused by her comments and the way she behaved towards me. If she was not interested in the first place, why would she even bother to reply my mails. The ultimate question is should I continue going after her when it’s going to be fruitless? I definitely want to be more than just friends with her and I know it’s not an infatuation of any kind. I find it very tiring playing this game in my mind…” - M

Dear M

“When it comes, it comes”. Isn’t this what falling in love is all about? So very well said M.

The ultimate answer to your ultimate question is another question – will you be happy standing there, watching her from afar and not doing anything that may have the slightest chance of moving her to accept you eventually?

If you think you can pull out now before you invest even more time, effort and possibly, feelings, then you guys may be better off as friends, without the pressure of her having to consider giving you an answer.

Do not read too much into her replying your emails. Unless you are totally repulsive, which I don’t believe and she has affirmed that she doesn’t dislike you, she will continue to reply your emails. Firstly, out of friendship as she’s keen to pursue this with you. Secondly, out of courtesy.  I would reply too if I were her.

I guess take this slow first. And see how she reacts to your continuous wooing. Maybe you like to take a back seat for a while and just be friends, until she has grown to be more comfortable with your presence.

 

“Hi! I’m D! I have to ask you.. how to win a person’s heart (a guy) I’m in love with him.. very terribly. please help me! Thanks!” - D

Hey D

Does he know you like him? You must have known each other for some time in order for you to love him so terribly, am I right?

Guess what? I have written a post dishing out 7 Tips & Strategies To Woo A Man Secretly for a woman who was in the shoes as you. Read that article and let me know if you still need further help.  

Love coaching will be able to help you specifically on this too, D.

Cheers!

 

“My name is Y. I have been in love with a girl named S since school time. We have been good friends, however during that time I lack the courage to propose to her. In the end, after we graduated from school. we have slowly lost contact with each other. Right now, I have a close friend named F, we have been getting along well and could have a chance of progressing further. But deep inside my heart I know that I still love S, so wat should I do?” - H  

Dear H

Have you looked for S again after you lost contact, since you know you still love her? Go seek her out. Call your ex-classmates to see who has her contact.  

When you find her, if you should, check out if she is already married. If she’s not (lucky you!), you want to be sure she isn’t dating anyone exclusively too.

You see, when you have someone’s face so etched deeply in your heart, you have kind of built up a fantasy about her. You may have imagined you two being an item together, living a happy time and possibly with kids now, if only you had proposed to her then. All these fabrication will seem very real in your make-believe world.

Therefore, in order to check reality against fantasy, the only way is either to crush it yourself consciously, or to meet the real person and see for yourself.

I’m sure she has changed somehow along the way. You too! So, how do you know you stil love her, as much?

Give yourself a timeline for doing so. If by then you still cannot locate her, then you need to make a decision.

What I’ve said is only a suggestion. If locating her is an impossible mission due to whatever reasons, then settle this emotion internally first, before you start anything with F.  You don’t want to hurt another girl due to your own indecisiveness, do you?

 

Can I have your advice on how to get along with your partner if she is a stubborn and domineering type. Thanks!” - D

First of all, are you the stubborn and domineering type as well? If yes, then there might be a lot of chances that both of you would clash with each other. Compromise is the best solution and also depends on how much you love each other.

If you’re not then think of ways to help her if possible. Could it be due to her background that causes her to be this way or that’s her character?

A leopard will never change its spots, so you should talk to your partner and see how both of you can work this out.

 

“Hi Kloudiia,

I like your rationale replies to the questions as they seem to be so matter-of-fact-ly. Hope you can inject some logic and sense into me hahaha.

I have been crazy about this girl recently I’m wooing her right now.

I want to remain friends with her for now since I don’t know the way she feels about me. I had her favorite flowers delivered on her birthday and she said she felt “really sweet” by my actions.

She’s a really nice girl and there is currently a fierce competition by 2 more guys and her ex.

What are some of the best ways to ask her how she feel about me? Like hinting methods?

The impression I get from her so far is that she does like me a bit. But I want to hear the words coming out from her to settle myself down hahaha. Oh I still want to remain as good friends with her even if she doesn’t likes me. So i may need some discreet hints hahah. Thanks” - ZX

Hey ZX

Thanks for your compliments!

Wow, you have very strong competition! She must be some girl.

Why not find out your chances by elimination? When you are out with her, mention the other 3 guys and see how her reaction is. You want to do this when you are sitting down face-to-face with her. Be really observant, because chances are even if there are any changes in her facial expression, they will be pretty subtle, yet they can be the most precious clues you can ever get.

When you have sussed out your competition and if you think you still stand a high chance, the next thing to do to settle yourself is to ask, but not directly.

I’m sure she knows you like her. So, tell her you really treasure her friendship very much, even if you aren’t the lucky one who will be finally chosen. Show her you are really sincere about this. Girls love sincere men, and also men who won’t mince his words.

Be brave ZX. Like I say, I believe she already knew how you feel for her. You only need to hint when she really treats you as a friend, so that you don’t shock her too much and she starts avoiding you. This shouldn’t happen in this case, not if you tell her first you still like to be friends with her before you ask her how she feels.

Good luck to you ZX. Hope you’ll keep me updated!

Love, Kloudiia and Grace