LOVE, Kloudiia

“Dear Kloudiia,

Good evening to you & hope that you have an enjoyable weekend.

My name is J and I’m glad to know you today from the New Paper and understands that you did solve some issue regarding couples or lovers relationship. I have some questions for you and maybe you can provide some advise to solve my problems.

Is it true that every couple who undergo the ROM (edit: Registry of Marriage) ceremony, woman will feel that they have lost all the “feeling” during the period of courtship?

Is it normal for woman to have this type of thinking after they went through the ROM?

Hope to hear from you regarding the above mention.

Thank You, Take Care” - J

Dear J

Thanks for your email, and good evening to you.

You know, you have asked a very interesting question! And I thought the usual complaints come from women that they no longer feel loved by their men after they’ve signed their single status away on the dotted line in ROM.

Since you’ve asked this on behalf of the men in general, let me answer you on behalf of the opposite gender in this equation of love then, alright?

During courtship, the motivation to want to continue to impress your partner and to keep his heart burning with desire for you is on-going. This is normal suvival skills for humans. Men and women all do the same thing.

But when you’re legally married, that’s when this little devil starts creeping in and playing pranks on a couple.

What it does is to whisper words like these into your ears:

“You’re already married, you don’t have to do this anymore”

“What? Say sorry to her? Why should you? You’re the man of the house. Show her what it means!”

“Aren’t you craving for those chocolates for so long? What you waiting for? Eat them! Oh come on, it’s ok to put on some pounds. You’re married!”

“Just ask her to take a cab home. You’re tired too, you don’t have to go and drive her home”

“Flowers? Are you crazy? Save that money! She’s your wife, she should understand”

Okay, I think I’ve made my stance.  

What is this devil doing? He’s making you take your spouse for granted!

What you used to do for him/her during courtship have gone up in air! I believe the “feeling” you’re referring to is the “in love” feeling you get when you are dating, right?

If the men stopped doing things that show love, care and concern, then the women will stop feeling she’s being loved. It’s natural. So rather than saying women cease to be in love after they got married, why not think about what you can do to help her stay crazy for you?

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you stop doing things for each. You don’t stop saying “I love you” and “I miss you”, instead you should say more! For he/she is going to be your partner for life! Why have you become so stingy suddenly?

So to answer your question J, no, a woman won’t stop loving her partner after she’s married. On the other hand, she have a stronger urge to do more for him, because ultimately, love and family is still the most important part in a woman’s life.

It takes two to tango. So if you want her to love her, you gotta love her too! And show it!

 

“When can I have a good boy friend and how to tell he is my Mr.Right?” - W

Dear W

When? Whenever you allow yourself to! When you start taking actions to reach your love goal. It may not be achieved overnight, but while you are moving, you are moving. Get it? If you want to have a good idea of how and you’d like to have a coach beside you to show you the steps, you can consider getting our love coaching service. It’ll be beneficial for you.

If both of you love each other, and he fits your criteria for a life partner, then he could just be the one! Of course, you need time to tell too, and a good understanding of all issues.

  

“How do I really know if the person that I want to share the rest of my life is really in love with me or is just in this relationship for the ‘ride’ and would bail out if serious problems arise?” - A

Dear A

Why don’t you create some serious problems and see if she runs for her life? Ha ha ha Ok I’m just pulling your leg ya.

Actually, what you can do is to start making life plans for the two of you. Talk about the major issues, like staying together, financial needs and plans, children and life goals etc.

If she isn’t serious with you for the long haul, then you’ll start seeing a jittery and anxious woman.

On another note, I can’t help but worry about something that underlies your question. Why do you even have this notion that she’s just in for the ride?

Do you only have this amount of trust in yourself and your partner? If she hasn’t any previous track records to show, and you’re still doubting her love for you, then seriously you need to take an inner look in yourself.

Why don’t you choose to trust her? That she really loves you and she wants to spend her time with you? Wouldn’t this make things much easier and less complicated, than to spend time and stress over whether she will run the instant some problem crops up?

I agree that there are couples who go their seperate ways when one party is going downhill, like a failed business, a retrenchment or a sudden sickness. But usually the reason why they broke up is not because of the event itself. It’s mostly due to how they handle the event.

For example, if the husband was retrenched. Instead of picking himself up and actively searching for other jobs, or to go for skill retraining if possible to learn a second skill, he slumps. He is constantly in the blamer mode, and it’s only a matter of time that his wife feels that enough is enough and leaves!

But there are success cases too. Look at Nanz Chong and her husband when the famous One.99 shop went burst. Instead of following suit, their relationship became better after that crisis.

So if one day an unexpected nasty event should befall you or your partner, how you handle it will determine if your partner stays, or leaves.

But first, you need to learn to trust her and her love. Because if not, even when nothing happens, your suspicious character is enough to drive her nuts, pack her bags and go.

It also spells a sign of inconfidence in yourself. Stop it A, for your own sake and if you truly want to have a happy, loving and lasting relationship.

All the best to you all guys!

Love, Kloudiia

[tags]love advice, relationship advice, find the one, Mr right, dating & relationship, dating specialist, love coach, ROM, love and marriage, courtship, Nanz Chong[/tags]