LOVE, Kloudiia

Oh my goodness! I have landed myself in trouble again! Should I come clean with my parents, or should I just let it slip through, praying hard it will pass by unseen and undetected? Well, not all cases will give me this luxury of choice. And when I don’t, yes, facing the music before remedying the mess I’ve created is the only route I can take.

The above example is merely one of a dozen, no, millions of real-life situations that happen every day, every hour in all parts of the world. And they are not restricted to only children. Lovers, bosses and subordinates, friends, so long as you have a certain relationship with someone else, that will be in your face.

How effective is such a method? When your child came forward to you, hands trembling with a quivering voice made a confession on a decision he made that ended up screwed, do you as a parent, without first asking what happened, put your hands on your hip, with a deep frown on your face and a downward shift of your lips say this “See, I told you so! Haven’t I told you not to do this (go for the job, be with this guy/girl, take this course etc)? why didn’t you listen to what I told you in the first place? Now you know I’m right, don’t you? Now you know you should heed my instruction, don’t you?”

Couples are faced with the dilemna of making decisions jointly. It could be one that’s related to the children, or in couples who aren’t married, where to go for the next vacation, type of house to live in, which area to live in, type of investment to make etc. When a husband or boyfriend insisted on doing his way despite his partner’s objection and disapproval, and when things turned out awry, the way his wife or girlfriend reacts to that failure and how she responds goes a long way in determining whether the relationship will actually strengthen or worsen after the crisis is over. The “See I told you so!” way of starting the conversation not only demotivates your partner to inform you of any sort of problems they are facing, in life, work or other areas, it also builds up a wall standing between you and your spouse, slowly but surely blocking and eroding the emotions and love that should be flowing freely.   

We aren’t all-knowing creatures. There are times we succeed, and there are even more times when we don’t. If we can fail as an indivdual, why can’t the others? So what makes us more superior than them to dish out such harsh and cold reprimand, before helping them tide through the complication? Why can’t we eliminate the first part and just focus on the latter? Wouldn’t it make them feel so much safer to want to let you in on all their affairs if the have the assurance that they will not be reprimanded, or least not until the fog is clear when the sitting down and repentance is warranted?

There are many roads to Rome. Similary, there are many alternatives and ways to the resolution of a crisis. “See I told you so” is certainly not a good one.