LOVE, Kloudiia

“Kloudiia

I have been dating this guy for over 2 mths. we have been out over 10x and each date lasts at least 5-8hrs. some of them even over 12 hrs. 2 weeks ago, I asked him where we are heading and he said “I like you..very much in fact. but i am probably not ready to be in a relationship”. So I probed him the reason and he mentioned about his emotional baggage. So he is still in love with his ex gf who broke up 6 yrs ago. They are now both single and travel on holidays together and are “friends with benefits”.

I questioned why they aren’t back together then and he said they needed to work things out. She actually cheated on him 6 years ago but he still cares for her greatly and mentioned that he does want to marry her eventually and will give it till he’s 30 yrs ago (He’s 28 yrs old now) I accused him of toying with my feelings since he effectively is “in a complicated relationship” but he insisted he is single.  I got mad with him and ignored his calls, MSNs and text messages for 1 week.

Today, he MSNed me and tried to test the waters. He also said he plans to take Friday off so we can hang out the whole day together. I declined his invite since I do not want to be a backup to his ex…I also feel like hanging out with him incessantly like this will only make me fall for him more and be more miserable should things don’t work out. I still do feel strongly for him so it was very very upsetting for me to have to turn him down… Please advise how i should approach our relationship.  He obviously still wants to hang out as friends without commitment but I doubt I am able to handle this ambiguity…let me know. Thanks.” - Z

Dear Z

I doubt anyone would be able to handle such ambiguity in relationships, especially if you’re looking for a serious and committed one.

From the way things are now, there is no relationship between you two. You’re probably still in the courting phase. Obviously, you both have developed fond feelings for each other, yet he’s still tied to his emotional baggage, as you mentioned.

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