LOVE, Kloudiia

As our government shines the spotlight on increasing the nation’s birthrate, focus has also begun to move backwards on the production line – singles. 

Hence, dating agencies are back in the limelight, dishing out horror stories of how clueless men and lordly women behaved badly when dates weren’t to their expectations. Talk shows are coming out to find out why singles are delaying plans to get married, or not even having one.

What’s really the problem with local singles? Though many of them express their desire to get hitched, but many of them are still not taking the necessary action to make it happen. Even those in their late 20s tell me that they’re not in a hurry. Career comes first. What does having a relationship got to do with reducing one’s possibility for a career success, I wonder?

Time, maybe? Effort, maybe?

Time and effort. Certainly what you need in any endeavour you pursue. It seems like everyone has a presumption that when you get into a relationship, you will have lesser time to focus on your career. Because relationships tend to create problems, and they need time to be nurtured and developed. 

I wouldn’t want to go into a preaching mode of why marriagehood is better than singlehood or vice versa. Let me share my own story on this issue.

I used to think that having a relationship means that I’ll have to squeeze time out to meet my boyfriend, when I might like to use that time to stay at home and rest, or just hang out with friends. My girlfriend then told me that it was wrong for me to think that way, because if you like this guy, then you wouldn’t mind spending time with him. It wouldn’t be like what I thought to “squeeze” time out, but rather, it would be something that I would be looking forward to.

I kept her words in mind, and till this day, I can vouch for what she said. She’s absolutely right.

I’ve realised that when I’m in a relationship, there are more things to get from it than it would take away. Not that we marry someone to gain some benefits, but to put this argument into some perspectives, we have to put the relationship on a scale and weigh its pros and cons.

Time. No doubt we need to put in time to nurture the relationship, however, what a stable and healthy relationship can bring us is actually more time on our hands. I’ve met many singles who told me their desire to settle down, but just can’t find the time to meet people and to date. So in a way, those who are attached need no longer use their time to worry about this issue. They can truly focus their energy on whatever project they are working on, because “meeting the right one” has been ticked off the list.

Effort. Rome isn’t built in a day. Similarly, a healthy relationship needs lots of work for it to thrive and become better. It’s the same when applied to starting a new business or career. However, we need to shift the angles to look at how effort can dampen one’s willingness to enter into a relationship for fear of slowing down their career achievements.

When problems occur in a relationship, it usually also reflects one’s own shortcomings. By learning the skills to resolve these issues, we are also learning about ourselves better. These new-found selves and strategies can be transferred to our work and make ourselves a better leader and team player.

On the other hand, effort put in work doesn’t necessarily can be transferred to a relationship. If our career is prospering, do you think it will motivate us to look for love? Maybe. Everything is possible, it’s just a matter of probability. From what I’ve seen, this probability looks very small.

But, love is, can be, and has been known to be one of the biggest motivation for successful people! With support from your partner, you can truly experience that boundless freedom and strength to soar high. Even when challenges come, at least you know you aren’t facing them alone. You have someone else with you, all the time.

There is no free lunch in this world. We need to give before we can receive. Therefore, it’s not possible to wish for a perfect and loving relationship to complement your career ambitions without having to work for it.

So, while resources like time and effort are limited, it is normal for people to want to prioritise and ration it. If given the choice, all of us would want to achieve both during our prime years. But we all know for a fact that everything is best done during our prime years, but we can’t possibly handle all that we wish for. With all these in mind, we have to make smart choices – decisions that will affect our lives.

Does postponing decisions on marriage and relationships eventually help in catapulting your career upwards? This is a question that all singles have to ponder, and hopefully they’ll make smart choices for themselves.