LOVE, Kloudiia

Some find them sissy. Some find them sensitive.

Some do it without hesitation. Some will only do it for their girlfriends or wives.

This issue seems to be only debatable in Singapore, although scenes of men carrying their partners’ handbags can be seen widely in other Asia countries like Hong Kong, Taiwan and even China. So what is the concern here, really?

I am writing this post to air my opinion as I read the article on The Straits Times on 24 February 2008 – “Do Singapore Women Expect Too Much?” about the latest survey of 200 singles conducted by SDU that revealed that women expect men to carry handbags and open car doors for them. It seems like these two wants are heinous crimes.

(One week later today: I penned this post last week but saved it in Drafts, now I’m continuing it due to a second article I read today on The Sunday Times, 2 March 2008 on the same issue.)

What’s the big deal if the men are willing to carry them? Because there are other feminists who think that such behaviour speaks lesser of the female gender, that we are putting ourselves up for possible indictment as us being weak. Now, this is very dangerous, because that could well topple the fight for gender equality our predecessors had fought so bravely for. (I’d like to talk about this in another post)

So is this a battle of the sexes, or only among the women race?

I’m confused. I’m sure so are the 70% of male who responded favourably to this gesture of love and 24% of women who listed this wish as one of their expectations of their future partners.

To stay focused, I’ve decided to only talk about the handbag carrying behaviour in this post and leave the other expectations in another separate one.

I know many men who will rather die than be seen carrying a pink bag laced with ruffles or balls of fur that will make them look effiminate.  My friend married one.

While I was reading today’s The Sunday Times (article was titled “Guys with ladies’ bags are sissies”), this thought went inside my head as I was half-way through “Her (the author) partner must be one who will never carry her handbag for her.”

And my guess was proven right at the end of her article.

Firstly because she probably wouldn’t allow him to do so. Secondly even if one day she hoped (now that’s a big thought anyway), she can be assured that her man will never stoop to behave like a sissy as she herself coined it.

So for someone like her (there are a lot in fact), she will never be able to appreciate a man carrying a bag for her. Because of this, her man will never appreciate doing it too, because of how she views him when he’s doing it.

This is how I would view a man doing this for me.

What is a sissy? And what spells masculinity?

Is a man who is sensitive to his partner’s needs, tender and caring not as masculine as one who dresses up in a very manly way, behave in an even manly way but is insensitive to his partner’s needs?

Personally, I feel that a man is rich in his manliness if he is one who can handle stress extremely well, shoulders responsibility like a man and deliver his promises like a man should. What has masculinity got to do with whether he is seen carrying a lady’s handbag for his partner or not? Is that a superficial way of judging someone, or not?

I posed this same question to Stuart some time back, way before this issue popped up again in our nation’s newspaper. To which he replied “I don’t think they are sissies. Men who think they are probably have low self-esteem about themselves.”

If you, as a man, know the depth you have as a man, then you will not regard yourself as effiminate as you carry out an act of love for your partner. You will rise above that.

Ok, maybe it is a bit far-fetched to let a man’s self-esteem take the responsibility. Maybe it is something else, like pride. Or ego. Or just plain disdain. Whatever the reason is, I respect the man’s wishes not to carry a girl’s handbag. As simple as that. Respect.

They probably will find a partner who will accept their wishes and also agree with them. See, they match! No issues once again.

On the other hand, maybe, just maybe, for all those who like to label men as sissies when they are carrying their girlfriend’s or wife’s bag regardless of the bag’s size, shape or colour, one day they might come to realise that it actually feels good to be loved in such a way, if only their mates were willing to do it for them. Especially when they need it.

I know, because Stuart will never bat an eyelid to carry mine at times when my back is hurting me or the weight gets into me (Oh I like carrying big bags, like the girl mentioned in The Sunday Times article when the author spotted hers on the shoulder of her partner). And he feels manly at the same time. I feel that too. On top of that, I feel fortunate.

Lastly, my standpoint is actually very simple. Who are we to judge a man’s character based on just one action? And if the man did it willingly, out of love for which the woman equally appreciates and is thankful for, why are we criticising it? Isn’t it so ironical that we are bringing an act of love under the microscopic lens?

If a relationship is going on very well, then the rule of thumb is never to go and disrupt it.

After all, if it ain’t broken, why fix it?

Moreover, an action is merely an outward manifestation of an inner thought, or intention. Shouldn’t we look at the underlying intention rather than the action to comment on a person’s behaviour?

These are only my opinions. What about yours? Please leave them down so we can better understand this social phenomena that seems to be spreading and eating into our society’s values and culture simultaneously. Thanks!

 [tags]social phenomena, dating & relationship, sensitive boyfriend, masculinity, act of love, men carrying handbags, singapore love and romance[/tags]